There's always another smile...

2011-10-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

♥

It has been my greatest pleasure,

spending time with

each of you.

Sometimes,

things run their course,

and we know the hour

has arrived -

to say

goodbye -

at least,

for a while.

So, I go,

but wish to send

much love to you,

my friends...

Blessings -

♥

2011-10-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

♥

Dance through life -

for there will always be

music, light, and laughter

despite everything...

♥

2011-09-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

An autumn walk with words.

(black/white Google images)

Come September,

when two of nature's seasons

live as one -

where days of summer shed

their final afterglow

before falling

gently

beneath an autumn's

rising sun -

and every

hanging bough,

every turning leaf,

will know -

the green

meets

gold...

Leaves,

longing for their

final dance,

bedazzling

with their charm -

giving summer one

fleeting glance,

as into life -

an autumn's

born.

As easy as the sky

falls through the leaves,

the future enters

into us -

transforming us

before we're

even aware

of it

happening.

2011-09-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

If only I could

turn back the world -

(just a little turn,

or two) -

I'd heal life's wounds,

its grief, its pain -

restore happiness

to every

hour -

bring peace

and love to

the world

again.

2011-09-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

♥

We are born,

then we die -

and it is everything

between the two

that drives

the heart

wild...

♥

A day of reflection...

2011-07-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

(I)

We are given life

one moment at a time.

Enjoy each

of them -

for it's impossible

to relive a

moment

after

it becomes

a memory.

~ * ~

(II)

Youthful naivety

used to allow me

the promise

of forever.

Experience and age

have taught me

to live only

in the

moment.

~ * ~

(III)

How often

we plant our tears -

then nourish them

in a river of regret.

~ * ~

(IV)

One must learn

how to be

alone,

and at the edge

of loneliness -

discover how

to be found again

by the world.

~ * ~

(V)

In my darkest hours,

I pray for fortitude,

for understanding,

for faith -

in my heart,

I hear God's answer -

'My light will lead you to the warmth you seek,

and on the fleeting wings of time -

faith will shield you from life's storms,

for your troubles will be mine.

My wind will lift you o'er the burdens

that weight your soul with bitter blame,

and carry you to a timeless Heaven

where every angel knows your name.'

~ * ~

Love & blessings,

2011-06-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes,

the best part

of living -

is just knowing

we are

loved.

~ * ~

2011-06-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

But, sometimes,

people tend to expect

Wanting it all

2011-06-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

You will never find happiness

in the heart of a selfish

person -

for in their world,

more is always better,

and they can't

seem to get enough

of anything -

even if it's

yours.

~ * ~

2011-06-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

I posted the wrong picture earlier.

I'm still dreaming of spring arriving!

At any rate, this is the one I meant

to post -

This is what it looks like outside

the window today -

rain, rain, rain...

Is it really summer?

Could it be?

(sigh)

~ * ~

2011-06-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

Blessed are those

who fall into happiness -

like wildflowers to a field

of sweet grass

in a summer

rain.

~ * ~

Missing you on Father's Day...

2011-06-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Don Elliott (October 19, 1938 - July 5, 2007)

I sent a kiss to Heaven,

held you in my

dreams...

~ * ~

2011-06-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

This majestic old oak,

bound by ancient roots -

a stolid sentry,

left to stay -

enduring

throughout the years

with perseverance

with fortitude,

stalwart

in earthly life's

embrace.

Month by month,

day by day -

the heart of it remains

the same.

And on its tender,

golden leaf?

It's there I found

your name...

~ * ~

2011-06-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

There's no understanding happiness,

nor is there any way to hold

its elusive hand -

as it moves through your life

in and out, out and in

offering

little breaths of joy

in tiny parcels.

~ * ~

2011-06-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

An undiminished spirit

knows by heart

their own

dwelling -

knows

the purity and greatness

of their own

being.

~ * ~

The windy woodland,

the rain at dawn,

the song of the

river -

all carry

the hours,

silencing thoughts

of worldly

affairs -

things

that make wild

the heart

of man.

~ * ~

2011-06-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

There's this big world outside,

then a smaller one

inside -

where our own lives touch -

yours and mine.

The big world seems a lovely rose,

and up its stem I climb

to breathe its

air.

But it is the smaller world -

yours and mine

that always calls me home

with the sweet scent

of love.

~ * ~

2011-06-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

The other night I dreamed

I asked God if he would

know me when

I arrived

at Heaven's

pearly gate...

He smiled

and said -

'I knew you

before this world,

and I'll know

you after.'

Amen...

2011-06-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

There are always loosening threads

that alter the ordinary fabric

of our lives -

by something

unexpected.

Yet even when your heart

is big with grief,

no matter

how things

change -

always believe

that out there somewhere

a deck is stacked

entirely

in your favor.

~ * ~

2011-06-11T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's the resonance,

depth, and breadth of days

that make life extraordinary

and unique...

It's the waiting

for something special to happen,

and intuitively knowing

that it will -

that makes life

magical...

~ * ~

2011-06-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

God never intended

for us to travel life's road

alone

He gave us family

and friends -

He gave us faith

and love and hope

so we might share and enjoy

life's journey

together.

~ * ~

2011-06-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

If you say,

'I can't walk the miles' -

you won't.

If you say,

'I'll try to make the journey' -

there's hope.

If you say,

'I will reach my destination' -

you've already

succeeded.

~ * ~

2011-06-07T10:22:00.001-07:00

Walking a mile

in another person's shoes

can be a blistering

experience.

~ * ~

2011-06-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

Happiness comes to us through the gold in our sun,

through silver stars strewn across our night sky,

through the whispering voice

of the sweet, sweet wind...

~ * ~

Happiness always

comes to us as natural as

a gentle breath.

~ * ~

2011-06-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Anyone who doesn't bring you alive

with hope and understanding

and generosity -

is much too small of a person

to ever love you

enough.

~ * ~

2011-06-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Though our heart can be broken

a thousand times over,

the light that enters in

through its broken

edges -

allows it to heal

and grow

ever- stronger.

~ * ~

2011-06-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hope is the light that gleams in one's heart,

leading them from their darkest

thoughts into the realization

of their dreams.

~ * ~

From the ashes of despair

rises the phoenix

of hope.

2011-05-31T07:28:00.000-07:00

I embrace the concept of love.

But if one day I should discover it -

what if it doesn't last?

Then again,

what if it does?

~ * ~

Speaking of green grass...

2011-05-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

One mustn't measure their own life

by other worlds. It is only the one

in which we belong that carries

weight and substance.

~ * ~

2011-05-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

I wish I could carry happiness

like a star in my pocket - allowing its light

to sprinkle stardust with

my every step.

2011-05-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

The flower would never know

its bloom without the rain,

and the heart would never know

compassion without its bloom of tears.

~ * ~

2011-05-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

May we forever offer of ourselves,

in genuine empathy, in good faith, and with fervent promise -

to help all hearts find grace and happiness in the light

of human kindness.

~ * ~

Gratitude is the sweetest sound of giving -

often the quietest of all

humanly things.

2011-05-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

Guilt is only your conscience

turned inside-out.

~ * ~

Conscience is one of the greatest

self-incriminators known

to mankind.

Double-guessing...

2011-05-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

I look back at the road I chose when I was young.

How ironic the one I thought would be the longest -

now seems the shortest.

The lightness of being -

2011-05-18T13:50:00.000-07:00

The older you become, the more paler your countenance -

until finally your essence lightens and fades,

absorbed into the earth, wind, and sky...

your existence noted only

by the stirring

of memory.

On Happiness -

2011-05-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

Happiness and sadness run parallel

to each other.When one takes a rest,

the other one tends to take up the slack.

2011-04-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

Easter

2011-04-23T07:21:00.001-07:00

Creative Inspiration (repost)

2011-02-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

Depression...a terrible affliction. In chronic illness, it is common to experience depression. Mood swings vary with levels of pain and discomfort. Sometimes, it's just the sense of losing one's capabilities, and not being able to function on a normal level, that brings on the sadness. This past week, I've wrestled my own demons...suffered the feelings of loss, fatigue, and sought to free myself from emotions that drown me with waves of self-doubt. These thoughts leave me battling against the futility of life in general. This is a battle I often fight. My rational thinking always resurfaces...

But what about people who do not regain their sense of inner peace? Does one stay depressed without self-introspection or professional help? I consider myself lucky...for I can talk myself into 'realization', into a better understanding of 'reality'. There must be many who cannot assuage their own emotional needs, no matter what form of help they're offered.

This morning, I began a search to find information about depression, its causes, probable cures, and about people it has afflicted. I was surprised to find many famous authors, poets, artists, and composers listed as those diagnosed with this mental illness. I call it 'illness' for it is an illness...one that can be devastating and just as dangerous as any physical illness. In fact, many signs of depression surface as physical symptoms. Backaches, muscular pain, insomnia, hypersomnia...and many other symptoms, as well. Depression can be all-consuming of one's body, mind, and spirit. Some studies show a genetic link to depression...who would have thought?

Leo Tolstoy, author of 'War & Peace', suffered from bouts of depression, as did Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe, and John Keats. Ernest Hemingway was known to suffer suicidal depressions that ultimately led to his demise. Sara Teasdale, Walt Whitman, Robert Burns, Ezra Pound...all experienced severe depression. The list goes on...Tchaikovsky, Rossini, Handel, Michelangelo. Even Abraham Lincoln was known to fall into periods of deep depression.

After reading articles about these well-known individuals, I couldn't help but wonder if their brilliant creativity was somehow stimulated by the depths of their emotions. Did their range of emotions, and vast they were, help them create their masterpieces? Did they feel so much turmoil within themselves that it flowed out of them through their writings, paintings, or music? I think so...

We learn to live life by 'gathering'...gathering knowledge, gathering friends and loved ones, and by gathering experiences through actions and emotions. Yes, I think creativity is sparked by what we have gathered and endured in our lives. Some people experience more than others...and that can be a good thing, yet, not always a good thing. At what cost do we create our own 'masterpiece'?

A tale of two hearts (repost)

2011-02-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

(My mother posted this entry three years ago. As Valentine's Day is near, I thought I'd share it again with everyone. I think Mom's journal blog deserves another round of reading. Bless all who stop by to visit her.)

Today is Valentine's Day...a day to inspire those who love. Whether it warms a new-found love, or flames the fires of a love that has lasted a lifetime, it is a day meant for sharing tender emotions and exchanging words of affection, of love.

It is not just a 'feminine' day of celebration...men undeniably enjoy being told they are loved and appreciated. They may speak words denying the value of Valentine's Day, but their eyes betray their true feelings when presented with gifts from their sweeties.(smile)

I remember one Valentine's Day from long ago. I had only been married for three years, and times were difficult for me and my husband. He worked construction in warm weather, but drove a wrecker for a local agency through the winter months. On that particular Valentine's Day, my husband was working, and I was visiting my grandmother who had been ill. She was diabetic and had lost part of her foot due to the disease. We passed the afternoon away...talking, laughing, and watching the snow pile up outside the windows. The depth of the snow grew and grew. As evening approached, I began to worry about my husband. He was due to pick me up at 6:00 p.m., but soon the hour turned to 7:00...with no sign of him. I still remember my grandmother trying to ease my worry.

The streets were bare with people already tucked safely inside their homes...safe from the falling snow that was accumulating. But there in the distance I spotted a movement...someone was slowly making their way through the mounds of snow. I recognized the coat, the hat, and the lively step of my husband. Throwing open the door, I tried to hurry him inside.

Thoroughly chilled, he told us that after getting off work the old klunker we drove wouldn't start. He had no option but to walk the mile from work to my grandmother's house.
It was then I saw the bag he had carried with him. Smiling broadly, ear-to-ear, he pulled out a huge heart-shaped box of candy. My heart melted, but it was nothing compared to how I felt when he pulled out another box of candy...just as huge...and presented it to my grandmother. I could see her eyes fill with emotion. I knew how much my husband's gesture meant to her. I also knew my husband had carried those boxes of candy for almost a mile before reaching his destination. I can't describe how proud I was of this man I had married, or how much my heart loved him. It was the best Valentine's Day ever.

My grandmother passed away before the next Valentine's Day, but I will always remember that special day....a most wonderful day. I'll leave you with this final thought. Cherish what you have...while you have it. Don't let one day slip away from you...you will never be able to retrieve it...

2010-02-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

Finding Christmas...

2009-12-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

Christmas is upon us, and in this troubled world I find myself regarding it from a different perspective. As a child, I was overwhelmed with my curiosity, anticipation, and imagination that led me to the 'all-important' representation of Christmas.....Santa Claus. The memories are like bittersweet elements that glow brightly from a far away place called 'innocence'. Those treasured mornings of opening gifts at breakneck speed and carrying all of my gifts to the sanctuary of my room to examine them, over and over again (at least for the remainder of Christmas day), still have the ability to make me smile when I think of them. Though my family was considered 'poor' by mainstream America, in my youthful mind...we were rich as the Rockefellers.

Today, Christmas has taken on a new meaning. Gone are the days of simple pleasures and simple giving from the heart. Commercialism has overtaken everyone. The quest for money and 'keeping up with the Joneses' has risen to an amazing level.' More, more, and more', has become the mantra of the masses. Whatever happened to the 'special' gift (not gifts), the sharing of love between family members, and the giving of one's self in celebration of this most holy holiday? I want it back...the burning of the yule log, the sips of hot chocolate with those floating marshmallows, the snowmen and snow angels, the Christmas carols sung outside the homes, the joining of hearts made generous by the Christmas spirit...I miss these things. I miss the simplicity of the season, and I miss the compassion that used to emerge at this time of year. When did the word 'giving' take a backseat to 'avarice'?

As I sit here, debating the state of humanity (perhaps, inhumanity), I feel saddened that the true meaning of Christmas has deteriorated to almost nothing...like a puff of smoke flying out of the chimney and slowly disappearing from view. Bring back the love that used to emanate from the very corners, nooks, and crannies of Christmas. Give the gift of Christmas past, and wrap it with a bright bow full of caring and sharing ...for real. So what if you don't get a Rolex under the tree? So what if you only get a fruitcake?(it's the thought, remember?) At least someone thought of you, and there are many out there this Christmas that don't have anyone to offer them a scrap of human kindness, much less a blessing or a gift.

Here's an idea! How about giving a little of yourself this year? A couple of hours at your local shelter could be a very meaningful experience...from both sides of the coin. Spread the joy! Spread the gift of giving! Make this holiday special for everyone you meet. I'm telling you, you'll feel a sense of fulfillment that you never knew existed. Your feeling of self- worth, and knowing you've made a difference, will be your gift. It is one of the best gifts you'll ever get. There is no greater gift than one given freely from your heart for the good of mankind.

In conclusion, I hope everyone has a good old-fashioned Christmas this year. If you can't find one to buy, well, know they're not on display like an artificial 'xmas' tree. They live within you. If you really take the time to look, you'll find there really is a reason for the season.

Friends

2009-06-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

A friend brings pleasure to life's morning.
A friend brings warmth to ease life's chill.
A friend brings comfort to ease life's burdens.
A friend brings love ~ and always will...

~ ** ~
Awarded to:
All my friends here at blogspot.
You are all uplifting...you're the best.(smile)

Awarded to:
Brenda @ A Lifetime of Poetry
Dixie @ DCRELIEF
TawanaB @ Anything and Everything, Knowledge IS Power
The Hunny Studio
Honorable mention to the guys:
Gary, Anthony, Roger, and Robert Brault

Several months ago, a friend of mine urged me to visit blogspot. Afterwards, I thought, what a wonderful way to connect with others. Needless to say, I was awed by the number of bloggers that shared moments of their lives, and ultimately their interests and artistry inspired me to create blogs of my own. I found blogging made the world large, and small, at the same time. 'Large', in the sense that it reaches the far ends of the world...and back again. 'Small', in the sense that it brings together people throughout the world that would never have met without the blogs. I realized a great gift had been placed before me...at my fingertips!(smile)

I consider myself fortunate to have found the most wonderful blogger friends. It is a compassionate, caring, and highly talented group of individuals that have drawn me into their circle of friendship. I shall be forever grateful to them.

This afternoon I dropped by one of my favorite blogsites, 'a Cup of Mimi'. Now, I never know what I'll find on Mimi's site for she offers her readers a glorious variety of information. My favorite is her booklists...I love them.(smile) To my surprise, she had gifted me with two blog awards. I was so overcome by her gentle act of kindness...I spun in my chair, danced a little jig, and smiled to the heavens. What a sweetheart she is! Thank you, thank you, my friend...

In return, I'd like to gift Mimi with 'The One Lovely Blog Award' I received a few weeks ago from a fellow blogger, TawanaB, whose blog is titled 'Anything and Everything, Knowledge IS Power'. I was so grateful for TawanaB's thoughtful gesture, but was unable to respond due to health issues. Bless you, my friend, and now I'm going to take pleasure in sharing this award with Mimi and a couple of other deserving writers at blogspot...Brenda and Dixie. I wouldn't be here without the people I've mentioned in this post. Best bloggers in the world!(smile)

I hope everyone feels free to pass along these awards to others. Please, don't feel obligated to do so. These awards are just an expression of appreciation for those who blog...

'Til next time,

Mattie

It's Father's Day...

2009-06-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

As I'm one who enjoys quotes, I thought to share a few with everyone for Father's Day weekend. I hope all you fathers out there enjoy your special day...and let's extend a thought to those mothers who have to be both 'mom' and 'dad' for their children.

• "When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'" -- Jerry Lewis

• "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." -- Charles Wadsworth

• "I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week." -- Mario Cuomo

• "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." -- Clarence Budington Kelland

• "You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. He's more particular." -- Robert Frost

• "A father is a banker provided by nature." -- French Proverb

• "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." -- Sigmund Freud

• "Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes

• "A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season". -- Unknown

• "A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." -- Unknown

• "Small boy's definition of Father's Day: It's just like Mother's Day only you don't spend so much." -- Unknown

• "A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." -- Unknown

. "Many a north country boy of my generation knows of a snapshot of himself as a tyke, seated with his father on a sled atop some snowy hill. He looks at this photo and realizes -- it's the only proof he has of ever being held in his father's arms." --Robert Brault

Returning to the bright side...

2009-06-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

After a long, dry spell of not writing on my blogs, the desire to connect with others has led me to the computer once again. Often in the past few weeks I've stopped by to read the offerings of my fellow bloggers and enjoyed their individual thoughts and ideas, but wasn't well enough to offer any thoughts of my own in return.

Throughout these past weeks I've had email encouraging me, wishing me well, and many prayers were offered for a speedy recovery from my friends here at blogspot. I feel extremely fortunate to have met each one of them, and express my deepest appreciation for their great kindness.

Though not quite myself yet, I am getting a little stronger as the days go by. My cancer is in remission and luck is on my side.(smile) I still have a few tests and diagnostic procedures to get through, but hopefully the worst is behind me. The past few weeks have been difficult (painfully so), and many times I felt I'd reached rock bottom. Once that happens, you know there's only one way to go...up!(smile) And, indeed, I feel life stirring within me; lifting me out of the abyss I've been secluded in for a seemingly long period of time. I feel I've been pardoned for my breach of health...

~ * ~

There's a light breeze blowing today. The sky's overcast...maybe a little rain is moving into the Ohio Valley. I noticed a pair of mourning doves have moved into the neighborhood claiming my backyard as their new home... school is out for the summer, and the kids are enjoying their first breath of freedom...people are walking their dogs, planting flowers, mowing lawns...all-in-all, it's a good day. For me, what makes it even better, is just being here to enjoy it. Keep smiling everyone...

'Til next time,
Mattie

A good day for living...

2009-04-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow (Friday) is the BIG day for me. I return to my cancer doctor for a check-up. He'll decide if I'm cancer-free, or if I must undergo more radiation treatment. I've already undergone two rounds of radioactive iodine treatments...I know what to expect.

In truth, I'm very optimistic. Thyroid cancer, as many other cancers, is very treatable. It is vital to our own well-being to realize that many cancers are treatable if caught in the early stages. Cancer is not always the death sentence that one imagines. There are many survivors.

A thousand thoughts run through your mind when you're diagnosed with cancer. Disbelief, fear, denial... I had just left the hospital from thyroid surgery, had barely rested in the living room chair, when my doctor's office called asking me to come to their office. So it was back into the car for me...pajamas and all!

The nurse took me to a room as soon as I arrived. Shortly, the doctor came in with the bad news. 'The cells are malignant'...those were his words. I had no immediate reaction. I was completely immobilized, probably 'numb' would be the correct word for it. Actually, I think the doctor was more upset than I was.

It's not that I was 'unaffected' by the word cancer. There were many days and nights of darkness, through many months of uncertainty. But to this day, I've never truly felt I would lose my life to thyroid cancer. I refused to accept that possibility. As simple as that...it was an open and closed case for me. I would survive. And I have!

I'm writing this on my blog to give hope to others that face the diagnosis of cancer. There are cures and treatments for many types of cancer. An early diagnosis is important. Make sure you have your routine exams on a regular basis. My cancer was found on a follow-up visit to my family physician. She felt the lump on my thyroid...and went from there. I owe her a tremendous debt of gratitude.

Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about 'unusual' symptoms you may be experiencing. When it comes to your life, you have only one, and never be afraid to ask any questions you feel important. If you're not satisfied with what your doctor offers...find another one. Get a second opinion. A good doctor will never hold it against you for seeking a second or third opinion. After all, this is your life that hangs in the balance.

~ * ~

I hear tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day here in Ohio... The weatherman says it will reach the eighties. Sunny, warm...a day for laughter and happiness. Yes, tomorrow's going to be a good day for living.(smile)

I'll go to sleep with that thought in mind...

'Til next time...
Mattie

Where there's life...there's hope

2009-04-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

This past week's news has been depressing, to say the least. Two shooting sprees, both from people who lost their jobs and lashed out at others through the senseless killing of innocent victims. What does this say for our society? Are we becoming a society that cannot control our frustrations and anger? What measures should be taken to prevent these same situations from happening in the future? Any ideas?

Though our struggling economy can be blamed for creating a state of confusion and turmoil, individuals must be responsible for their own actions. There is a lack of compassion, a lack of self-control, and certainly a lack of morality within our country today. What happened to the concept of people helping each other through difficult times? It has fallen by the side of the road due to changing family values and ethics. The family 'unit' has disintegrated in the past few decades. Everything revolves around 'I'...ego reigns supreme in today's rapidly-evolving world.

I think, as one becomes immersed in self-obsession, they become obsessed with every element that touches their life. There is no middle ground for them...no coping ability or strategy to fall back on. Sadly, this could spiral to more unfortunate situations, but how can one foresee the escalation to the point of violence? What are the symptoms of obsessive overload? Obviously, we (as a society) are missing the warning signs.

This brings up the subject of support resources. Should we have more resources available for those standing on the edge of reason? Would those who feel abandoned by society reach out for that support? So many questions without answers...

When I was a child, I was taught to appreciate what life gave me, and I was never allowed to despair over things I did not have. I learned that life was filled with setbacks, and dealing with my problems would make me a stronger individual. Not one time did violent thoughts overwhelm me.

My father's offering was...'When the going gets tough, the tough get going'. When I faltered in life, as a child, my parents would pick me up, dust me off, and tell me to never give up trying in life. As an adult, I learned to do the same. Letting myself be overcome, without trying to cope and resolve difficult situations, was not acceptable...nor should it be for anyone. I believe it is called 'strength of character'.

Where is the 'character' of this nation hiding? Has everyone become so self-absorbed with their own lives that they do not see the decline of humanity? Get those designer eyeglasses checked people and take a good look at what the future brings. Rose-colored glasses are not an option at this time. While you're at it, cut back a little on those expensive luxuries...you don't need them. Our country is in crisis. Instead, take the money and donate to organizations such as United Way, Salvation Army, Volunteers of America, local food banks, or other social service agencies that help people in need. It could make a difference to many families and individuals. It might help prevent desperate situations that are occurring throughout our country. Our own well-being is being sabotaged by an enemy within...it is an enemy nurtured by the 'dispassionate' environment we live in. We've forgotten how to care...as a nation...as individuals.

My sorrow is overwhelming for those who lost their lives this week. Their families must be devastated. I'm deeply affected by these tragedies, as should you be. It is a different world we live in today. One I have trouble defining.

In closing, I'll say, don't go through life as one without compassion, without empathy, for your fellow man. You do a grave injustice to yourself, and to everyone, by doing so. Never give up hope. I leave you with this thought...

Hope is the light that gleams within the heart ~ leading us from our darkest thoughts and actions into humanity.

'Til next time ~

Who the heck is Larry the Cable Guy? (just kidding)

2009-04-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

This morning, I checked my email for new messages. A friend of mine from Alabama sent me these 'words of wisdom' from Larry the Cable Guy. I had to smile at some of them...a little 'redneck' humor to lighten the day. 'You might be a redneck, if'....you get a chuckle or two from these little gems. Larry, you're such a ham! (smile)

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
8. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
9. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
10. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
11. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
12. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
17. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
18. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,"What the heck happened?"
19. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
20. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow!

The Greening

2009-03-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

The buds are showing on the trees. The weather is warming the midwestern states, and soon everything will be in what I call 'the greening' season. A beautiful time of year...

Autumn is my favorite season, but spring is special to me, as well. Spring is an affirmation of the cycle of life. Having survived the long, cold winter, I welcome spring's warmth with open arms.

As a young child, and continuing through my teen years, I lived on a farm. That first warm day of spring would find me tossing my shoes along the creek bed and feeling the blades of cool grass beneath my bare feet. After chores were done for the day, I'd make my way to the back wooded area of the farm to enjoy a few quiet moments with nature. I'd watch the trees waving their branches, showing off their newly formed buds, and dip my toes in the creek checking the water temperature. The lake was a quarter mile down the road from the creek, and I was always overly impatient to take a swim, but Mom said I had to make sure the water had warmed up before taking that first backstroke. (Thank you, Mom!) I have to tell you, though, my swimming ability was seriously questionable. No wonder my mother worried!(smile)

Spring and summer were magical seasons for me. They brought butterflies, tadpoles, soft craws (important for fishing), and an amazing array of foliage that led me down paths of adventure I'll always remember. There's nothing like gathering the cane pole and peanut butter sandwiches...then heading to the creek or lake to catch a few catfish. I often imagined having a friend like Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer... imagined myself on a raft floating down the nearby Scioto River! Oh, I thought of it many times...

Though spring was full of imaginings and daily outings, living on a farm was hard work. I remember the spring planting...corn, peas, green beans, and tomatoes. Tending the garden, helping my mother can and freeze our harvest, along with the digging of potatoes (the most difficult for me)...all these things completed my spring and summer. The selling of our vegetables and fruit fell to me...my gift of gab came in handy at the farmer's market...corn, anyone?...how about these tomatoes?(smile)

Apple-picking was my favorite chore. The roundness of those ripe apples, so perfectly-shaped, so perfectly-sized to fit in the palm of my hand...well, I could never resist eating them. I was always pleased with the 'fruit' of my labor. There were plenty apple pies, apple butter, and fried apples at our table. Our garden provided us with many wonderful meals through the winter months. The harvest....well, that's another story.

So many of the bloggers are sharing their thoughts on spring. It is really a pleasure reading their inspiring words. May everyone enjoy the season...'the greening' is upon us.(smile)

Another Day...Another Thought (or two)

2009-03-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

At last, I feel well enough to post something new to my journal! It has been rough going these past several days, and things have been at a standstill due to my health. The nurses have been coming and going as usual, but each of them very concerned with my elevated blood pressure and heart rate. 'Brittle'...that is how they describe my blood pressure. I thought that term only applied to unpredictable diabetes levels, but I now know it is applied to hypertension, as well.

Medications do not always control blood pressure. I am the rare case that serves as testament to that theory. They've had me on numerous medications, and they work for only a short time...then the numbers begin to rise again. If you are diagnosed with hypertension, make sure you monitor your blood pressure levels regularly. You will be able to see if your medication is controlling those levels, and even if you're not on medication (controlling hypertension through lifestyle changes) you should check those numbers frequently. It could mean the difference between life and death...literally.

Even though high blood pressure, congestive heart failure, and thyroid cancer has taken a tremendous toll on my body, I try to remain optimistic. Optimism is key to my survival.

~ * ~

Often, I struggle with everyday activities. They are limited for me. Many times, I can't walk to the kitchen to make my coffee, or cook meals, or even get out of bed. And there are many people just like me... and their stories go unheard in the noise and busyness of today's world.

I know, no matter how badly I feel, there are others in greater need...in greater pain. I wish there was a way to let each of them know their life is important, and to offer them compassion for what they are experiencing. We are all individually unique and provide our own imprint on the world. We mustn't ever forget that each life touches that of another...in some way.

~ * ~

Well, it has been a fairly pleasant day here in Ohio. Not exactly spring-like weather, but a far cry from the freezing winter we've just endured. I've spent the late morning and early afternoon hours sitting at my desk by the window. I'm overjoyed to be sitting here admiring the world...admiring life. I'll take every breath I'm given and never take for granted there'll be another...for life is so much shorter than one anticipates. Embrace it!(smile)

You will find there are those who go around complaining about all the cracks and potholes in life. Well, I'm one of those who go around filling in those cracks and potholes trying to make life more beautiful. I know life will always be a little rough around the edges, but accepting life for what it is...that's the most important thing. It's all in one's perspective, one's acceptance of life's flaws...along with life's beauty.

The Road Trip (conclusion)

2009-03-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

continued...

We travelled along the eastern coast of Florida. Everything was fresh and new. Burying my feet in the sand at the ocean, feeling the salty sea spray on my face and skin...my senses quickened and carried me beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt exhilarated. I felt totally free...and very much alive.

As everyone knows, all good things come to an end, and it was time to return home. Still filled with enthusiasm and youthful passion, and thinking about the amazing things we might see on the trip back to Ohio, I was quickly brought down to earth when the car began to sputter and die. None of us knew what was wrong with the car, and we quickly pulled into the nearest gas station to have someone take a look at it. Back in those days, the gas station attendant would check your oil, clean your windows, and offer assistance to travellers. Nowadays, it's self-serve! To our dismay, the attendant told us our car was leaking oil...profusely. He thought it was an oil pan gasket, or worse. Needless to say, we had spent most of our money on this 'coming of age' road trip, and were not prepared for this earth-moving catastrophe!

We pooled all of our remaining money. There was enough for gas and food, but not nearly enough to make the repairs to the car. The attendant said if we put oil in the motor, and stopped frequently to check the oil level, we might be able to make it home. That sounded promising...it was a positive thought, at least. So we filled her up with oil and headed north.

We made it to Atlanta, Georgia when the car began to sputter and die...again. The leak had worsened, and more money was spent on oil. The highway seemed to lengthen. The car began to smoke from oil spilling out onto the motor. Desperation set in. Optimism had quickly turned to worry. With oil running out of the car almost as quickly as it was poured in, the stops to buy oil became frequent. Eventually, we had to stop at every gas station we saw along the road. The money was dwindling, and we began to buy used oil (from oil changes) by the gallon. By the time we reached the Tennessee state line, the money was gone.

The car finally gave out in Knoxville, Tennessee. Needless to say, we felt deflated. That bubble of freedom and overwhelming joy had burst and turned into distress. Sitting on the curb in front of the car, we all were silently praying for a great 'miracle'. It came in the form of a Salvation Army worker. While we were considering the dire consequences of our situation, we failed to see that the car had died right in front of the Salvation Army office. God does work in mysterious ways.(smile)

The man offered his assistance, and we readily accepted his offer. He invited us into the Salvation Army office where we could call home. My mother said she would wire me money to repair the car and throw in enough to get us back to Ohio. Relief....but not for long. It seems we would not be able to pick up the money from Western Union until the next morning. Our hearts sank. Where would we spend the night? It was not as warm in Tennessee as it was in Florida. I could visualize myself covered in frost...frozen to the curb. I was afraid.

Well, the Salvation Army took us in for the night. They even offered us a hot meal. Little did I know, this experience would stay with me for the rest of my life. It would shape me into the person I became...when I truly grew up. It was a lesson of the heart...

We were all hungry as we made our way to the dining room of the Salvation Army. We were not prepared to see all the others waiting in line for a meal. Old men, young men, women with children...all hungry and filled with a need we'd never experienced. The sadness that lingered in the eyes of these people changed me. I felt compassion for these people. I felt helpless...I felt humbled.

My friends and I quickly offered to help serve meals. Not one of us was left unmoved by what we saw, and as we gathered our own trays of food, we thanked God for all he'd provided us. It was a simple meal...cornbread and soup beans. It was the most memorable meal we ever shared.

Doing clean-up duty was the least we could do. Actually, it was all we had to offer. Afterwards, we were shown our sleeping quarters. I shared a room with two other women and a child. We talked for hours, and each woman shared their story with me. I played Candyland with the 5 year old girl. I let her win...

At nine o'clock the next morning, the Western Union office received our money. The car was repaired. We headed north out of Knoxville, and as we passed the Salvation Army that last time, I knew I was not the same girl who had entered there the night before. I had entered those doors a young, carefree girl...I left there a little wiser, and reality had opened my eyes to a truth I'd never forget. It changed me forever...

We made it safely back to Ohio, and when we pulled into my driveway, Mom was standing outside the screen door. It was like she'd been standing there the whole time we'd been gone. Immediately, I realized how much I'd missed her. I was so very happy to see her, and I guess it's true what they say...all roads lead to home.

The Road Trip

2009-02-28T15:44:00.000-08:00

It was chilly this morning as I made my way to the kitchen to make coffee. I quickly tossed the grounds into the filter, poured in the water, and retreated to my desk waiting for it to brew.

While looking out my window, a car pulled in front of the house across the street. It was a '59 Ford. Dark blue, mint condition...it took me back to days of my youthful past. I could barely pull my eyes away from the car. You see, I have fond memories of a car identical to this one...back in the late autumn of 1970. Let me tell you about it, but first...my coffee.

In the autumn of 1970, I was heading towards twenty years of age and preparing to make my first 'coming of age' road trip. Actually, I wasn't making the trip by myself. There were a few of us going together. One of those fellow travellers became my husband shortly after we returned from the trip. It was the most amazing journey. One I'd remember decades later...on a chilly February morning in 2009.

I can remember the excitement that vibrated through me as we pulled out of the driveway that morning. I sat up front in that old Ford, restless, anxious, and feeling invincible as I anticipated the events of the next week. My mother stood outside the screen door waving and offering a smile that I knew hid her trepidation at my leaving.

'Don't worry, Mom', I yelled.

Now, why would she worry?(smile) At any rate, we were off!

We travelled through the backroads of Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and into northern Florida. The image of the Smoky Mountains in late autumn is one of the most beautiful sights you could ever see. It seemed like heaven had settled in among the orange leaves that glinted gold in the sun. I felt small and insignificant as we passed through those majestic mountains.

I remember stopping at little shops that were scattered along the highway. Little souvenir shops that sold wooden alligators, chenille bedspreads, and trinkets that said, 'I visited the Smoky Mts.'. There were teepees and Indians along the curving roads, and there were crocodile wrestlers displaying their talents beside roadside grocery stores and gas stations. I wanted to stop at all of them...

As evening neared, we'd look for campgrounds to spend the night. Though it was late October, the weather was still warm enough to sleep outside. One place I remember was located along the shores of the Withlacoochie River. The river flows out of the Green Swamp in west central Florida. There was cabbage palm and palmetto bordering both sides. Farther down from the campground were the swamplands. We didn't make it that far, but I didn't mind. We set up camp close to the water and built a fire in the firepit. The owner of the campgrounds joined us for a while. From him, we learned about the legend of the Indian princess...

Once upon a time (isn't that how all tales begin?), there was a man who loved a young Indian princess. The two were separated by the Withlacoochee River. To make a long story short, the princess cried tearfully on one side of the river, longing for her beloved to join her. The man stood on the other side vowing to swim across the river to be in her arms. The problem was...the river was filled with deadly piranha. If he jumped into the river, he would be eaten alive.

Nonetheless, he jumped into the depths of the swirling water determined to reach his beautiful princess. The man miraculously swam to the other side without a scratch, and they both lived forever on the banks of the Withlacoochee River. Legend has it their voices can still be heard from time to time by those at the campground. I didn't hear their voices during our visit, but the ambience the story created was absolutely inspiring! Stretched out beneath the moon, listening to the night sounds...I was overcome with the beauty of it all. Ahh...this was living, I thought.

But what did I know? (smile) Very little, I'd say, in the realm of reality. How quickly winds change...

Well, it is getting late in the evening, and I'm getting a bit tired. I think I'll turn in, maybe dream about that old '59 Ford. There is plenty more to this story. If you care to come back tomorrow, I'll tell you about the remainder of the trip. The journey back was quite different from the beginning.

Creative Inspiration?

2009-02-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

On a wintry evening...

2009-02-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

And so...the winter carries on with its subzero temperatures and ice frozen in mountainous lumps. The snow is piled high at the edges of the roads and has turned gray and muddy. Leftovers from the winter storms are never pretty, not like when the snow first falls in pristine fluffy flakes. Nonetheless, each day's passing brings us a little closer to spring.

The wintry weather brings back memories of when my children were young. I can remember the cold, frigid nights when I'd gather the three of them under the blanket with me to tell stories...or just tell jokes and laugh the chilly hours away. We'd have hot chocolate (with those little marshmallows on top) and pass the evenings without one thought of the weather. It was my way of connecting with them...sharing with them. Of course, it was a time of no cable tv, no internet, and one had to depend on their imagination to entertain themselves. Not a bad thing, is it? Modern technology is truly amazing, but sometimes we need to stash away those things that take away the joy of human interaction on a one-to-one basis. There is nothing like a warm hug or smile to make the day better. Especially, if those little hugs and smiles come from a child of your heart, or from anyone you love...

Well, enough of my memories. My toes are cold and my bones are achin'...I'm going to the kitchen to make me a cup of hot chocolate. I'll not forget the marshmallows!(smile) While I'm holding on to that steamy cup and savoring its aroma...I'll be remembering some of those stories that were told under the blanket on a frosty night...

Me and 'Old Arthur'

2009-01-25T20:45:00.000-08:00

The snow had melted from the streets, and everyone was happy to see it go...then this morning, it started snowing again. It snowed all day and brought temperatures down just as quickly as it fell upon the ground. The weatherman says another winter storm is moving our way, and we'll see a lot of white this week. Now, I don't mind a little snow, but the past few weeks have brought nothing but snow, snow...and more snow! The bitter cold that rolls into town with it is unbearable. My lungs aren't in the best shape, so the doctor urges me to stay inside until the weather warms up. I don't think even healthy people should expose themselves to this frigid cold. I'm in the house, but my old furnace is grumbling and complaining...not putting out enough heat to keep me warm.

Along with the cold weather comes my old ailment arthritis...or 'Old Arthur' as my father used to call it. My bones stiffen up, and my muscles ache like crazy. I usually take a couple of aspirin to ease the pain, but they haven't been working too well this winter. Perhaps, I'll dig out the tube of bengay...I don't like the smell of it, but if it helps...Now, if I can remember where I put it...

It is after eleven o'clock at night here in Ohio. Usually, I write earlier in the day, but I haven't felt quite up to it today. Actually, I haven't written anything for a while. That is how chronic illness affects you. You have good days, and then you have bad days...more bad days than good, I think. Anyway, the dogs are now sleeping at my feet. They'll lay beside my desk until I go to bed. They are like children with their innocence and trust....though, easier to tend to.(smile) I consider them my most loyal companions. No matter how bad I feel, they always make me smile. I have to say, they are not too impressed with this miserable weather and prefer to remain inside where it's more comfortable.

Well, the day is now gone...no more sounds of snowblowers, or snowshovels scraping the sidewalk, no more people hurriedly slamming car doors to get inside. All is quiet in the neighborhood. Everyone is settled in for the night, all the children tucked in bed hoping schools will be closed tomorrow, and the night will pass quietly blanketed in another fresh snowfall...sounds peaceful, doesn't it? Insular and separated from the rest of the world...that's how it seems. As a child, I loved this kind of night...as an adult, I can only fall back on my memories of those times. Wish life was idyllic as it was when I was a child. What I'd give to run into the yard and make snow angels again...I will fall asleep with that thought.(smile)

Bad day...Good day?

2009-01-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was difficult for me. A feeling of being 'off balance' kept me down all morning. One would think I was inebriated. Indeed, I felt a bit tipsy, though coffee was the only stimulant I consumed. This type of day comes often anymore. It seems the world is moving so much faster than myself...leaving me with the sensation of not being able to keep up with its movement. Perhaps, time and earth's perpetual evolution is leaving me behind as they stretch farther and farther from my grasping reach. Often, time is our greatest enemy, and it swiftly passes... synchronizing every second of our lives with the rotation of our world.

Today, I'm feeling better. Not able to dance a jig around the room, but better, nonetheless.(smile) Winter has continued to wrap all of us in its frigid hand. The biggest problem this year has been ice. There's been little snow, but the mixture of sleet and ice makes travelling dangerous. Since I have difficulty keeping my feet planted on solid ground at the best of times, I'll wait inside until spring before venturing far from home.

The neighbors to the south of my house are busy chopping wood today. They have a woodburning stove and put it to good use during the winter months. They have cords of wood delivered, but have to chop it down a little smaller to fit in their stove. The smell of the wood burning brings back many memories. When I was a child growing up on the farm, my parents always kept the fire burning in our woodstoves. The warmth from these stoves is quite different from the heat we feel from the gas furnace. I know that 'heat' is 'heat', but the warmth from woodstoves go right to the bone, soothing every stiff muscle and nagging ache.

Believe it or not, my mother still uses a woodstove throughout the winter. She's almost 80 years old, but flatly refuses to give up that stove. Old habits die hard...or so my mother says.(smile)

Time to go....the day awaits.

A Dog Day

2009-01-06T16:37:00.000-08:00

A winter weather advisory was issued early this morning for Ohio. There was no snow, but a thin layer of ice over the roads made driving dangerous and difficult. The temperatures hovered right below freezing throughout the day and evening hours. Wintry weather always makes me want to pull out the long johns and woolen socks! Sometimes, I plug in the old electric blanket to keep me warm. I don't remember the cold weather being a problem when I was young. Now that I'm in my sixth decade of life, the cold settles in every bone and wrinkle it can find.(smile)

The dogs were even resentful of the ice and cold today. They slid down the back steps into the yard, but looked at me with disgust for making them endure the wintry elements outside. They quickly scurried back up the steps and didn't beg to go outside for the rest of the afternoon. Throwing themselves down on their blanket, they gave me their 'do not disturb' look. Dogs can be so 'human' at times!

Today was 'nurse' day. I have two nurses that come out at least twice a week. One visits on Tuesday, and the other usually visits on Friday. It's like getting a check-up without going to the doctor's office. Blood pressure, heart rate, temperature....checking out the lungs. They even do bloodwork in your home. I have to say, the home nursing program is a blessing for those who need to be monitored on a regular basis. I wonder how many disabled people know about the homecare option.

I wish I had discovered this valuable resource when my husband became ill. There were many long days and sleepless nights during those months before his last hospitalization. They could have done so much for him...things I probably couldn't have done. I often feel I failed him and could have done more to save him. I did everything I knew, but it was not enough...it was never enough in my opinion. Words can't describe how much I miss him...

The Neighborhood

2009-01-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

The day has been ordinary. When I first woke up this morning, I saw winter had heavily frosted the windows. My first thought was to crawl back under the covers for a little while longer. The dogs had other plans, and at the first sign of movement they immediately jumped on the bed with their good morning kisses. With a squeal, I quickly made my escape. Heading to the kitchen, my only thought was coffee! As it was brewing, I sat at my desk looking out the window to see what had changed during my hours of sleep.

Now, my neighborhood is not the ordinary suburb with soccer moms loading vans full of children to take to school or daycare. It is an eclectic mix of people from various backgrounds and origins. When I first moved to the area fourteen years ago, there were mostly older homeowners on both sides of the street. That has greatly changed in the past five years. Some of the people have died leaving the property to their children who have turned the houses into rentals. It is a motley group that inhabits these dwellings, and it is not unusual to see new faces at every turn. I guess you could say, the neighborhood has livened up a bit! You just never know what you might wake up to!

This morning was actually quiet and peaceful. Everything seemed almost normal as I turned on my computer and sipped my coffee while waiting for it to boot up. No cars sped up and down the street, no children were yelling and laughing on the corners, no cats were sitting on the fenceposts waiting for their morning meal, and I was overjoyed with my few moments of solitude. It didn't take long for that to change. As I let the dogs outside for their morning run, the Latino woman who lives behind me began to scream Spanish profanities at her married boyfriend. Their affair has lasted several months, and their arguments always end with the man promising to move her to a wonderful home where he will lavish her with eternal riches. The thought of this young woman's life always fills me with sadness. I hope the new year brings her realization, awareness, and a pathway to brighter days.

There are many stories that live and grow in my neighborhood. Too many to tell at one sitting. My seat beside my desk offers me many incites into the lives of those who pass by my window. Some good...some bad. But I am never left unmoved by all of it. When life moves you...that is good, isn't it?

Another day...and so many stories to tell...

New Beginnings

2009-01-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

The second day of the new year brought no resolutions towards saving the world, but within myself resolutions abound with hope and promise. As I age, time becomes the top priority in my life. Every minute is more precious, more dear to me, and I try to make the most of what life has to offer...if only from my desk.

In my mind, there are innumerable things that I want to experience. In reality, my health physically limits these things. I find myself redefining dreams that have lived within me for decades. My goals have shifted to meet my capabilities. There's nothing wrong with downsizing our dreams. Perhaps, it makes them a little more attainable.

The thing I've realized in the past few years is that being physically disabled does not inhibit the mind. At least not in my case. The slowing down of my body has been met with an increased awareness of thought processes. My thirst for knowledge and the desire to learn has greatly expanded. In order to make myself a better person, I am willing to share all of my own inadequacies along with my capabilities. Thus, the creation of my journal.

My journal is the written day-to-day journey of my life. It will tell of my successes and my failures. You might call it an 'open diary'. Most of all, I want others to know that being disabled is not the end of the world. It is merely another beginning.